Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
