I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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