I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would fuck him just for his dog
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
