I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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