thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
