I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
