Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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