I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
