I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
