Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
