Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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