So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
