eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
