Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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