did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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