guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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