You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
