Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
