census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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