When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
