We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
