The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
