We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
