Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
