new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
