and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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