So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
