you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
