apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
