so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
