What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
