first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
