i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
