he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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