need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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