Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
3 2 1 whiskey
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
