I wannas sexs uuuuu
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
