She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was confusing and full of hummus
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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