I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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