If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
