Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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