I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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