Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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