i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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