He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
