We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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