Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
