if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pooping to opera.
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