I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
