Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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