dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
