I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
