The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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