I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
