Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
