After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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