Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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